First Draft-Essay #2: Crashing on the Couch

I don’t know what to do anymore. I try and I try and all I get is mistreated. I sat there, still on that same grimy couch, waiting for what he’d say next. “What are we doing, Matt? Is this really how you want to spend the rest of your life just hurting and ruining my life?” His silence sent me chills down my spine as he walked away from me and moved towards the door. I smelled all those hours that he had spent in work right before he arrived home, gearing up for war. As I sat there looking desperately at him, the sun glared in from the cracks of the blinds in through the living room window. The sun rays then bounced off his hazel green eyes making them sparkle as he stared at me from across the room. Those beautiful eyes that looked as if there was a sun lying on top of green grassy pastures, how I loved those hazel green eyes.  Then all of a sudden, it happened; the words that had killed me more and more each day to admit, “I don’t think I want this anymore Matt, I’m sorry.” He immediately shut his eyes as hard as he could and made his way out of the door without a word, without anything but a last slam of the door that echoed throughout the apartment. I was alone now, beginning to wonder how such a beautiful thing had become into such a mess. Today it was about mistrust and not knowing whether or not we wanted to be with each other but every other day, the fights had become worse with each of us blaming the other for hurting the relationship. I was done. I had had enough of this awful world we called our relationship. I sat there, still, on the same awful couch that I had always shared my sorrows with and he was already gone.

                As I stared around the room, the Christmas tree that we had set up at the beginning of the month caught my eye. I remember when he was so excited to put up his Dallas Cowboy ornament that he had just bought for the first time. The only blue and silver ornament on the whole tree, I thought. The ribbon around the tree was of course my idea but he liked it because he always thought, the more the better on a Christmas tree. This was our very first Christmas tree we had made together and it was beautiful. And as I sat there staring at this tree, I couldn’t help but think about the amazing time we had in New York City on our very first Christmas two and a half years ago. The very first time I was there to be present as the tree was lit with someone I loved more than life itself. I remember thinking to myself that I could really be with this guy forever. Then again I was 18 so what did I know right? But now it was getting darker in the living as our relationship was as well. The lights on the tree were getting brighter and brighter with every minute that had gone by in the living room. By this time it was almost time for bed but sleep was something that was not coming easily to me since he was still not home. I had plans for the next day so I needed his car so I would have to drop him off to work first and then pick him up. How I dreaded the ride there and the ride back. Maybe he wouldn’t come back home tonight, I thought. But thankfully my eyes began to slowly become heavy. It was now time to lie down and wait.

                A night of tossing and turning was not unusual in this apartment but that night was more horrific than usual. As I had drifted off into deep sleep, images of raging oceans with high tides began to occur in my dreams. The sun hits my eyes blinding me for just a second but then as I focus them, I see an image of a man dressed in black. I wondered what a man dressed in black was doing on a beach. Then somehow I began to walk closer and closer towards the water. I don’t know how to swim so obviously I began to freak out at the thought of emerging into this ocean. But as my legs move me deeper and deeper into the shallow waters, the man kept looking at me. I yell out, “Help! Help me please I don’t know what’s happening! I can’t swim! Please help me!” The image does not move but an inch to wave at me. By this time I feel water up to my waist. I become more terrified as this dream feels so real. The sun, still beaming down at me begins to burn my neck making it harder for me to breathe. The man still stares and waves at me as I was being sucked into my death by the rapid waters of the ocean. Water hits my face now and I can’t see much until a wave came crashing onto my head. It was then that I pushed forth and jumped up to see the man once again. This time the man was more visible. He had short light brown hair that shined in the sun. Slender-tall body that began turning red from all the sun that was hitting him. And he had long arms with which he kept waving at me with. It’s him. It was Matt and the ocean was drowning me now. Everything was blue with everything moving slowly. Then as I felt the weight of my body slowly sinking in more and more, I felt someone pull me out of the ocean’s deathly grip. It was him and I could breathe again. Then instantly, I awoke sweating with shortness of breath. I looked over to the right side of the bed and surely enough, Matt was laying there with his back towards me. It was still over. Time for a new day.

                It was 8 in the morning as I heard him rummaging through the apartment getting ready for work. I hadn’t had a good night sleep but it was time to drop him off. Silence filled up the car all the way to his job. “See you when I get out,” he whispered tiredly as he got out of the car. Door slammed shut. I drive home. Time to go back to sleep until most of the heartache was over. I arrived home and once again sat down on what I now called, “the couch of misery.” Nothing but thoughts and tears could be found on this lonely loveseat couch. “Loveseat?”  It couldn’t be far from it, I thought. Besides that couch symbolizing my loneliness and misery, now silence had taken over my life so it made it really easy to fall back to sleep in such a lonely and silent home.

                It is 4:20; Matt’s shift was over in 10 minutes. I had overslept and even missed my doctor’s appointment. My phone then rang and it’s him. “Hey are you on your way yet?” I froze but then told a little white lie, “Yea I’m actually just leaving right now, I’ll be there soon.” As I hang up I realize I hadn’t even gotten out of pajamas much less showered but I was late and he did not like waiting. Quickly I got up, grabbed his keys, my slippers and ran out the door. It was quite a cold day but the sun was still out. I began to drive meanwhile thinking about how much I miss the good days of our relationship. I missed my partner, my confidant, my other half. Maybe things could change or maybe we just need some time away from each other. All these thoughts were haunting me now but they came to a raging halt as soon as I saw a car drive in front of me while I was trying to make the green light. Air bags deployed, my glasses flew across the dashboard and all I could hear was the radio playing, “I hate this part”, by the Pussycat Dolls. I smell brunt rubber and I frantically start crying because I couldn’t see a thing without my glasses which were tossed somewhere into oblivion. I look for my phone and it was nowhere to be found. A woman knocks on my door asking me if I was okay but all I could do was cry, mumbling God knows what. “Honey it’s alright just calmed down. You’re okay Just come out of the car for me alright?” I was so scared but finally found my phone. Matt had left his cell phone with me by accident so now it was time to call his job but since I was freaking out as it was, my fingers could not dial the right numbers for the life of me. I finally get through, hearing his voice. “Matt, speaking.” I started to cry telling him I was in an accident. At first he did not understand who I even was but then he figured it out and asked if I was okay. I told him I was fine but that I wrecked his car. He proceeded to tell me to stay put and that he would be right there because since he didn’t have his car he’d have to find an alternative way to get there.  

                I began to shake not because it was cold out but because I couldn’t believe the damage that I had gone through and I had still made it through alive. The other driver was taken into an ambulance but I was too scared to even think about going to a hospital. As I sat there crying on the curb in front of a Nordstorm, I thought to myself, am I living my life the way I really should be living it? But as soon as the cop stopped asking me questions I saw an image of a man running from across the street, to me. He was all dressed in black and was hysterical at the sight of seeing me. It was him in his work uniform and as he ran to me, I began to cry. He then held me so tight and whispered, “I’m so happy you’re okay. I never want to lose you again.” He began to cry with me and as we both stood near the car wreck that I had survived, we realized that there was nothing that we could not take head on.

A week later, we bought a new couch.